Life is just getting tougher..

I have made a decision. I've decided to either leave the workplace im working in now and transfer to another sch or i resign and get a job elsewhere where the working environment is soooo much better than the workplace i am in now..

Colleagues are encouraging me to leave due to the fact that the workplace here is like ROJAK. ROJAK in a sense that the practicals here are like running a marathon. One after another just like o level and we have to always remind ourselves which practicals, which lab and what time. Then when something went wrong, this colleagues of mine always push the blame on me and so the teachers will never trust me and will always count on my senior when ordering practicals lesson. Gerek seh bedah! Besides that reason, i dun really like my colleagues lahhh.. They dont trust me and all they talked about it money money money.. Takda topic lain ke kat dunia ni dorg nak bobal pasal? ish3! taubatlah wahai makcik2 sekalian. kwang3!

My friend from PJC told me that her HOD has yet to review my resume since he is busy this few days and once he has done with the review, he will called me up for interview. All i have to say is i just want to get rid of the school im working in now. It's so pressurizing. Mana ada kerja tak pressurize eh? but my workplace always go for quality. Everything pun nak qulity until the whole school go tunggang langgang. Kejap2 ada visit dari negeri lain lah. visits from MOE lah. So everything must be up to standard. but yg pelik tapi benarnya ialah classroom budak2 tu mcm kandang kerbau. Aku masuk aku rasa aku nak kluar balik.. takda space untuk aku jalan pun. So many items are left behind lying on the floor which means the school dont emphasize on cleanliness. Sometimes i was called up for an urgent invigilation. And im always asked to invigilate ke kelas yang seronok di mana budak2 dia suka menjeling and keep staring at me mcm nak gaduh. lg dorg stare lg aku stare. wahaha! dorg cari chance nak copy aje. I used to be a student just like them so i know what are the various ways to copy. So i will always monitor those students and they dont like it. huhu.

My school is having pethathon (animal awareness day).. wallahua'lam dorg buat ni utk ape..cos the funny thing is the school put a minimal value for each student which is S$50. mana ada donation yg letak minimal value? klu budak2 tak ikhlas derma amcm? alah.. smue org tahu orang yg beragama kristian mempunyai bnyk wang.. so dorg blh lah letak $50. klu student dah 50 dollars, staff brpe plak? haizzzzzzzzzz.......... sape suro jadi govt-aided sch.. kan dah kene bnyk raise fund.

i get agitated very easily this few days.. knpe eh? a lot of things are running thru my mind. fikiran berkecamuk.. buntu. this is what i call real life. We are all tested in many different ways and it's never easy to get a solution to every problem. Macam nak block out everything. Nanti kajian dah dtg, stress aku akan bertambah.. and this ustazah kasi pressure jgk.. Usul fiqh gerek tu mmg gerek but i dont do well in all my islamic subjects because i dont use the right word like ISTINBAT hukum2.. QAT'I..ZANNI...MUJTAHID.. MUKALLAF..i dont used all this words often. So my essay slalu mcm kalau ustazah tu baca confirm dier ckp "apa ke bende budak ni bobal?".. mcm gitu lah essay aku.. unique..

one more thing.. we seldom used dalil2 tu kuatkan hujah2 kita... but this ustazah said she wants dalil2..if not there is no impact to our essay..but we ckp nooooo..ustazah kene request pd pihak andalus to allow us to bawak buku tafsir.. dalam hati aku ckp "ada tafsir takda tafsir pun sama...sememangnya aku tak hafal pun each surah is abt what" so when we are required to keluarkan dalil that is where my weakness will come in.

i know my weaknesses but i dont do something abt it... mcm mana nak improve... ish3! u gotta do something nisa.. kata nak jadi mujahidah.. mujahidah ke apa ni..? muhasabah diri lah wahai insan...